You must be thinking again? How? Well let me tell you that this year was second round of applying to five different universities to study Midwifery. I never thought midwifery would be as competitive as it is, and applying to ten universities and getting rejected by most of them, is a very hard thing to get my round.
Some benefits have come out of it, I got to travel the U.K to attend the interviews I was fortunate to be invited me, this led to the establishment of 'Jen on a journey.' I was able to develop my independence and travel to London and Suffolk, where I stayed overnight alone, a nerve-wracking but amazing experience, and I also traveled to Hull, Chester and Coventry.
My first time applying was whilst I was in year 13, and my downfall was my A-Level choices. Bearing in mind, when I first chose to study Philosophy and Ethics, English Language and Art, I was fresh out of GCSE's and I chose the subjects I had done the best in. I didn't really have a career plan at the start of year 12, I was adamant I wouldn't apply to university, and my career choices were constantly changing. First I considered police work, then forensic science, then criminology, then English and finally settled on midwifery at the end of year 12. And by this point, I was well into my subject choices and there was no chance of me changing them.
Additionally, when I originally applied, I was determined I wanted to live and study in London. I don't have low expectations. Choosing to study in this area wasn't my best choice as there are quite a few elite universities there in terms of midwifery, but this didn't hinder me. Neither did the fact I didn't have a job so I couldn't financially afford to live there for three years. I applied to four London based universities, and Suffolk. I had three straight up rejections because either I didn't study the A-Levels needed or my target grades weren't high enough. Fortunately enough I was invited to attend two university interviews, which were two days apart. I was unsuccessful after the first one and after my second, I was invited back for another interview. However, when I originally went to that university, I felt extremely uncomfortable, the atmosphere didn't feel right and I just wanted to leave. So I withdrew my interview offer and forfeited a potential offer. I knew in my heart that even if they had made me an offer on that second interview, I still would have rejected it. That place could have gone to someone who deserved it and wanted it more than I did. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. Would I do the same again? Absolutely yes. I did what was right for me and if you think it was a stupid mistake, then that's cool.
This meant I had no university offers. It felt like it was either midwifery or nothing. Knowing I had failed and let myself down really took its toll on my mental health and led me into a dark place.
But then I applied to college and plucked up the courage to try again, try applying to different universities. Maybe the second time would be different because I was gaining a health diploma giving me an extra qualification and hopefully boosting my application. So I sent off my UCAS again, to begin with I had two rejections, but those universities were my fourth and fifth options so it didn't bother me that much. But then three interviews came through. I prepared more for these than I had the previous year. And I kind of had an idea of questions based off what I could remember from previous experiences.
I went into these interviews confident and positive and full of knowledge and answers. I hoped that this year I would have more success than last year . I attended one interview where I was required to wait four and a half hours until I was seen. But the staff there were kind enough to let me leave the site and tour the city if I wanted to.This experience left me with a bad taste in my mouth about the university and while I was relieved to have been rejected a week later, I was also slightly devastated because I had waited so long for them. It took some time for the other two universities to reply to me. The next rejection came almost a week after they said I would know if I was successful or not. Due to the late reply I assumed I would be made an offer, but I was wrong.They told me I didn't have as much knowledge as other applicants.Now I don't mind them telling me why I was unsuccessful, but I do mind them telling me that others were better. One of my worst habits is comparing myself to others and once it's happened I feel quite down. But I wont let that feedback get to me, i'm better than that.
And now i'm to hear off one more university. The first one I attended this year. This one was my first choice right from the start and if they make me an offer, then great, i'll take it. And if they don't well then that puts a pause on my midwifery aspiration until the foreseeable future.
I do have a back up plan that will hopefully get me into university. And I know that it will bring me into a career with a lot less heart ache. If midwifery doesn't work out again this year, I will be going through UCAS extra to study Chemistry, a secret passion of mine. So now it's just a waiting game! Who knows what my future will be?! Scary but exciting! I'll keep you all updated as and when things happen!
Love and light,
Jen xo
